°Nautic°
Aurelian Enclave
[M:-1840][A:10]
?CROW?
Posts: 184
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Post by °Nautic° on Jul 28, 2011 20:11:00 GMT -5
General OOC Name: Crow Name: Nautical Rausting Alias: Nautic or Raust Species: Lyxxus Gender: Male Age: Deceased (Birthday Oct 1st) Pack: Former Enclave Member Rank: Former Hauld
Physical Height: 25 in Weight: 40 lbs Appearance: Nautic is what you would call elegant for his masculine figure. He is the tallest and the strongest appearing of most Lyxxus. His fur is a distinct sandy color with blotches of reds, and oranges mixed in between. His right ear is clay colored while his left is a golden orange. Nautic's eyes are a beautiful swirling mixture of Periwinkle.
His build is quite bulky for a Lyxxus he is always seen with his head high and his tails whipping around to give an essence of dominance. Nautic's voice is also very elegant to where it is smooth, soft, a voice of an angel very deep and yet very husky.
When it comes to who is more appealing, Nautic will constantly groom himself to prove he is the top dog. He does not want the ladies seeing him when he is not at his prime so he will avoid water and mud if all possible. Not to mention his prized possession of his is his abnormally large ears than he fondly over soo often.
Other: He has eternal youth thus his body does not age minus his growing tails every birthday. Also appears stronger than he is due to finding out he has telekinetic powers.
Mental Strengths: Beauty, Cunning, Speed, Eternal Youth and Telekinesis Weaknesses: Females, Aloof, Resists Change Personality: Nautic isn't kind to males. That's just part of his aloof personality. He has no interest in hearing about them or who they are or what they hunted last morning for breakfast. If they have some kind of importance in role (such as Alpha) he will respect them with no doubt, he just doesn't want to be constantly surrounded by or forced to stay with the same gender. (you could even say he's a bit homophobic ;P)
He loves, love, LOVES the females and will back stab any male to sit next to her. He believes that every female or as he refers to as "the ladies" were created for one thing only, and that's to mate with him. Why would you even need other males to mate? He is the perfect candidate with strength and cunning. Thus he tends to lose his cool when it comes to them, he cannot imagine harming a charming lady (in a fight) or that they could be evil and do harm to him.
Nautic likes to plan out what he is doing, where he is doing it, and when he is to do so. So when his plans are changed by someone else, he becomes confused and flustered, unsure of what to do. When things go as planned, he puts great effort to make sure they are flawless, by anticipating every possible outcome.
History: Nautic (or as his fellow pack mates used to call him Sir Raust or just Raust if they were close.) was born into a pack of all Lyxxus. His mother and father were the alphas and when their large litter was born Nautic was one of eleven, four of them sadly being stillborn. He had four brothers and two sisters. He was quick to play fight with his brothers and didn't understand his sisters at all. Always grooming there selves and complaining about getting dirty. In fact, Nautic LOVED getting dirty.
One day, when all the brothers were finally at mature age, they had a tournament in the pack to decide who would become the next alpha male of the pack. Nautical of course entered, he knew what becoming alpha meant; tons of girls to flock at your feet and you got to tell everyone else what to do. That just sounded like his cup of tea. He won that tournament and became his father's heir. All the other Lyxxi in the pack swooned over him for he was sooo strong and sooo charming. He swore that he would make them all happy. And he did.
Most Lyxxi were becoming heavy with pups and not long before they all gave birth did Nautic become the alpha male. In fact, he told any male that didn't like it that they could leave the pack, and many did. Even his brothers left him to be alone with an all female pack. He felt they just loathed him though and continued his reign. It was one day that he asked his sisters to follow the trend that they too left, disgusted he would even suggest the idea! Life was good for about a year for him after that.
Then, when Nautic turned four, when most of the pups were still young, there was a massacre. Another pack had walked into their territory and threatened them to leave. Nautic would not stand for it. So he fought most of them himself, most of the other females were nursing or close to their due dates for other litters, so he had to fend them all on his own. A Lot of them fled, trying to herd their young if they had been born. Most were killed in the battle trying to protect themselves.
After the pack of trespassers had moved in, they threw Nautical out, and so he ran, ashamed of all the unborn litters scattered throughout the battlefield, their mothers girths ripped open. He told himself he would never again let that happen, he had it all, and he wanted it back. So he went out on a search to find a pack like his former birth pack and prove his worth.
This time, he would play his cards right.
Other: Nautic has plenty of children out there, he just doesn't know them or care to most of the time.
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NOCHT !
Children of Hvítur Ári
Hunter[M:0][A:10]
A R T E M I S '
Posts: 180
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Post by NOCHT ! on Jul 28, 2011 20:36:00 GMT -5
Nautic's voice is also very elegant to where it is smooth and soft, and a voice of an angel. Very deep and yet very husky.
Sentence fragment at the end, either join it to the previous sentence or make it a new one.
He does not want the ladies seeing him not at his prime so he will avoid water and mud if all possible.
I just dislike the double negative. Rephrase possibly "He does not want the ladies seeing him when he is ungroomed" or something.
Instead of using the "planner" as his weakness, instead perhaps rigidity, or resistant to change?
When his plans go as he planned then, he puts great effort to make sure they are flawless. Anticipating every possible outcome.
Another sentence fragment here. Just make it. So that. Every sentence. Doesn't read. Like this. It's only in a few places, no worries. xD Try using commas, dashes, etc.
His mother and father were the alpha's
Just change to alphas; alpha's is possessive - The alpha's tail, the alpha's voice vs. there were many alphas present.
Nautical of course entered, he knew what becoming alpha meant. Tons of girls to flock at your feet and you got to tell everyone else what to do.
Another sentence fragment here. Using a semi-colon would make sense there.
Lot's of them fled, trying to herd their young if they had been born.
Lots, not lot's. Technically should be 'a lot' but I don't mind.
He told himself he would never again let that happen, he had it all. And he wanted it back.
Another sentence fragment here; 'He had had it all and he wanted it back.'
Besides those little grammar issues it looks fine.
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°Nautic°
Aurelian Enclave
[M:-1840][A:10]
?CROW?
Posts: 184
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Post by °Nautic° on Jul 28, 2011 21:01:43 GMT -5
Thanks for the heads up, I was multitasking and not paying attention to what i was exactly putting down xD! I think everything is fixed now though
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