Laracal

[Laracal]

OOC Information
OOC Name: Tarmarr
Link to Previous Character: N/A
General
Name: Laracal 
Alias: n/a
Species: Kukkien
Gender: Female
Age: 11 months [Born Apr. 24]
Pack: Children of Hvítur Ári
Rank: Storyteller

Physical 
Height: 24"
Weight: 34lbs *this is because of her weak lungs 
Appearance: Laracal keeps her head up high enough to see where she's going and low enough to not cause trouble. Her posture is sloped and graceful, her gate smooth and delicate, if not slow. She walks with a certain sway in her steps- is it confidence? Or simply a result of her defect? Well, we'll never know. Her long fur is fine and whispy, though plentiful, which makes it softer than the norm for her species. It is the musky brown color of willow bark, with little darker hairs splayed out throughout her body. Lichens and mosses cling to her legs and underbelly, while wild grass and weeds grow upon her spine, and on the tip of her tail grows poison oak. She is a result of weak lungs, with small, delicate features, such as her small paws. She's not a wolf that's considered particularily beautiful, but when the light hits her just right, she's magnificent. She surveys the world through almost transluscent cornstarch blue eyes, and in the rare moments when she opens her mouth, if you're listening right, for her voice is so soft hardly a soul can hear it, you may be graced with her sweet melodious voice.  
Other: Her short lifespan does not bother her; She is like a firework, brighter than the sun, but only lasting moments, or a flower; beautiful but brief. She is hear to do something big, and go out with a bang.
Mental
Strengths:

• An expert in areas of camoflauge and tracking
  
• Is reasonably intelligent
  
• Above average hearing
  
• In the rare event she sets a goal, she always sticks to it
  
• Independant dispite being weak
  
• Creative thinker

Weaknesses:

• Is physically weaker than most of her breed
  
• Jealous
  
• Afraid of hooved creatures
  
• Thinks her shadow is trying to kill her
  
• Conflict-avoidant
  
• Is often irrational
  
• Indescisive
  

Personality:  Laracal puts on her brave mask every morning and pretend that she's not sullen and hurting inside, for the good of everone else. I guess you could call her self-sacrificing, if you wanted to put her up on a golden pedestal and all. She wants to help everyone, really, but she doesn't know what to do. She feels so detached and awkward around the other wolves, social awkwardness at it's peak. She has some deep trust issues that lead back farther than she wants to remember. She's just too scared of being rejected to really let anyone in. She has a largely aloof personality, she just goes where the breeze takes her, it doesn't matter one way or the other anyway. She wastes almost no time (which is preciously ticking away) getting angry, slow to anfer and quick to forgive. She's a "wolf of few words", if you will. She never says more than what she feels she needs to say. At the same time she has a mischeivious streak, taking advantage of her abilities to 'prank' her friends...and everyone else.
History:
From day one, her life's revolved around those cursed weak lungs. Don't push too far, don't try too much, you never know. That phrase, her father repeated it to her so many times, "You never know,". They'd treated her like a China tea set. 

She'd been born, average. Her parents were forming a new pack, nothing exciting. Her and her brother, Garmr, were born. 

They grew up suckling faerie tales from Mamma's belly, and, boy, did Mamma ever have some stories!  "The Shadow" was Garmr's favorite, the one that terrified Laracal the most. His shadow...it came alive... 

It wasn't fair, you know. Garmr was healthy and sound; a well oiled machine, and she was just a loose screw. Oh, he tried, but temptation always got to him, and he went and played without her. She hates him, you know. He's everything she'll never be, and she just...she can't find it in her heart to forgive him for that.

When she was 5 months old he saved her from near death by hooves. Her hatred grew. She's a horrible wolf, she knew.

He was a deciding factor in her desertion of the family. She couldn't look at him, day in, day out, without resentment. She felt so guilty, he'd never been anything but nice to her. 

She loved Mamma and Pappa so much, it broke her heart to tell them. But she really needed this.

"I need to say this...I'm going out on my own tomorrow. I won't be returning."

She'd been shocked at their acceptance. They didn't even put up a fight. "Your ten months old," They'd said, old enough to make her own desicion

Life was hard; she could't count how many times she'd been reduced to eating carrion so she wouldn't starve.

Oh, yes, it was hard, but she was surviving.
Other: Her life philosephy is "Will you live or simply exist?"

[sanity]

Hello! My name is Sanity and I’ll be helping you through the character application process ^^

Laracal looks good so far, but there are some modifications that need to be made.

Typos and tiny grammatical errors are found throughout the application, such as the species saying ‘Kekkien’, instead of Kukkien, and the second to the last sentence in Laracal’s strengths where it says ‘She’s rather eat’ instead of ‘She’d rather eat’. Please re-read your application (reading out loud helps quite a bit) when you think your done to catch any tiny things you may have rushed over.

Her weight doesn’t fit in the range for Kukkien, she’ll have to at least be 40 lbs.

Though her appearance description does meet the word count, there are still to minor details that could be added. Does Laracal hold herself with an air of superiority, or does she usually stay low and take quick strides to avoid trouble? Small things like that help readers understand and get a better mental picture of your character.

She is determined,and when she sets a goal she doesn't give up. (But she rarely does set goals).

This bit could be reworded as ‘Though she rarely sets goals, once Laracal does, she’s determined enough to never give up.’

She has a gentle nature as opposed to fighting all the time.

Awkward sounding as well. Use and is instead of as.

She is deathly afraid of hooved creatures and she thinks her shadow is out to get her.

This sentence is one that wouldn’t particularly fit well in the Weakness section. Perhaps reword it to ‘Laracal is easily terrified by things, hooved creatures and even her own shadow, for example.’

Concerning her overall personality, this could be expanded on.

She always stops people who look like they're down to try to pick them up, but at the same time she isa very sa, sullen wolf on the inside.

Not only are there a few typos in the sentence, the structure of it causes it to sound a bit strange. Instead of having the ‘but at the same...’ part there, form a new sentence and say ‘Even though she’s often found helping others, she’s actually a very sad, sullen wolf on the inside.’

Add more on how her lungs have effected her life. You wrote that her life has revolved around them, tell us how. What trouble did this cause for her that ended up taking a toll on her personality? Details, details, details! We want to know what makes her tick and why! You also stated that that Laracal’s excellent at sneaking up on others, so does this make her a bit of a trickster? Is she the sort of wolf that enjoys to have fun playing pranks on her friends every now and then? It’s also stated that she feels detached and different from everyone else, but how? Why does she feel that way? Was there something that happened that triggered this sort of emotion?

Concerning her history, expand on that as well. If you need some ideas on how, try and talk about her pack life. Were her parents loners, thus causing her and her family to travel constantly? If she did live in a pack before she left, tell us about what she went through while growing up. Did she make a lot of friends that sat with her while the other pups played? Also, feel free to include how others reacted to her poor lung health (her brother, parents, anyone!).

Also, please change your display name to match the name of your character. Once everything else is done, just reply saying you’ve fixed everything once you’re done and I’ll be back around to give it another check c:

[Laracal]

I read your suggestions and changed a few things, but she is not afraid of alot of things or easily scare; she's paranoid of her shadow and can't stand hooved animals. Although, I think the shadow thing might be a bit much.
I also added more information and switched up a few sentances.
Thank you.

[sanity]

Everything looks good, thanks for changing the errors. Also, re-read the 'She has a gentle nature' bit and it finally clicked to me, so that was a mistake on my part, terribly sorry. Thank you for elucidating , on the fear of hooved creatures and shadows, as well. It makes Laracal all the more interesting ^^

Congratulations on your character acceptance, and welcome to WonderWhy! Feel free to join a pack or continue Loner status, and good luck on your future roleplaying endeavors.