Pandora
Hellion Mafia
Specialist (Mafia Heir)[M:0][A:3] [SG:0]
Posts: 37
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Pandora
Mar 31, 2012 12:56:20 GMT -5
Post by Pandora on Mar 31, 2012 12:56:20 GMT -5
OOC Information
OOC Name: Pandora Link to Previous Character: This is my first character on here
General
Name: Pandora Alias: n/a Species: Lupus Gender: Female Age: 10months Pack: Hellion Mafia Rank: Mafia Princess
Physical Height: 40" Weight: 140lbs Appearance: The smallest of her siblings, Pandora’s pelt shimmers across her body, making her extremely dark grey, almost black coat appearing like liquid. It’s smooth, light in thickness making it soft, and cool. Her chest has a lighter grey splotch seeping towards her underbelly. It looks like a pool of metal slowly melting, dripping down. Pandora’s eyes are a steel grey. They pierce you with intelligence, they seem like she can see straight to your soul, your very core. They at times appear cold, unemotional. Her body is elegant, slim, also having muscle. Pandora's body also is cold, just like her element. When she walks, her gait is smooth, graceful. She walks with pride, a sense she is better than others. When she walks, it is somewhat like her Father's stride, but differs in ways. Although Pandora chooses to rarely speak, her voice is musical, a melody. It’s sharp, smooth, cool, enticing, inviting, persuading. Other:
Mental Strengths: Strong(from both parents) Intelligent Creative Cunning Sly Cold (can seem cruel, this is seen both as a strength and weakness because it can protect her, but also be her downfall.) Weaknesses: Family (the love she has for her family) Distant Quiet Possessive Cold (can seem cruel, this is seen both as a strength and weakness because it can protect her, but also be her downfall.) Vulnerability ( when energies drained) Personality: An odd ball? I think not. Pandora is sly. She does not easily forgive others or forget necessarily. She spends most of her time perfecting her skills to become the best she can possibly be. Pandora is a creative soul. She uses that creativity to hatch plans that are merciless. If someone, anyone has done her wrong, no matter what it is, payback is quite certain to be the outcome. Pandora is quiet, doesn’t say much often. She mostly keeps to herself, not particularly enjoying others company, making Pandora very independent. That includes all except her family, or ones close to her heart. She is extremely possessive, and will attack if need be. Pandora lives to please her Father. In her eyes he can do no wrong. Her dream one day is to either lead the Mafia, or help one of her brothers with it. Although she won't admit it, Pandora is afraid of death. It terrifies her to not know what is beyond life. What will happen when the soul leaves the body. She hides this fear, because to her it makes her feel weak, makes her think others will think she is weak. History: Pandora is the daughter of the Don and Donna from the Mafia, Scorch and Tor. She has two brothers Banshee and Tearen. She is the youngest of the litter. Because Pandora is so young she doesn’t have a history…yet. Other: Pandora will have to power to manipulate metal. Bend it to her will. She can do this by drawing it from the earth. Making deadly spikes to impale her enemies. But, like most powers, she must be careful. Because too much use of her power will drain her energy, making her weak and vulnerable.
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Pandora
Mar 31, 2012 13:31:30 GMT -5
Post by Somatra on Mar 31, 2012 13:31:30 GMT -5
ok, please note that your avvie must be no wider than 120 pixels and that your main image no more than 500 pixels, so use that as a guide when resizing. If staff does not get to this bio before Monday I will review it, as long as the images have been re-sized first. If you need help with that just let me know. --Som
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Pandora
Hellion Mafia
Specialist (Mafia Heir)[M:0][A:3] [SG:0]
Posts: 37
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Pandora
Mar 31, 2012 15:04:29 GMT -5
Post by Pandora on Mar 31, 2012 15:04:29 GMT -5
I resized it. Its 400x496 I hope thats better
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Pandora
Apr 1, 2012 12:35:41 GMT -5
Post by Somatra on Apr 1, 2012 12:35:41 GMT -5
Hooray, so I am obviously Som and at your bio reviewing disposal, pleasure is mine! So to start with, Pandora's rank should be Mafia Princess (not mentioned in the pack ranks area, something I must add) instead of Underling given her importance in the pack. So that is an error on my part, no worries at all!
Now, her appearance looks nicely in tune with her element, and I can easily picture her as a mafia wolf. However, the Appearance section requires a minimum of 150 words, currently you have 140 so please add on so that the word count is met. How is she shaped? Ie, is her body slim and elegant, toned and muscled, shapely or wiry, and so forth.
Sentence is a bit confusing, her body cannot necessarily act cold and jagged, however it can certainly move in cold and jagged fashion.
My only issue with this statement is that it contradict your previous reference to Pandora having cold and jagged body movements given one cannot be at once jagged and smooth/ graceful. So please review this and decided on which would be best suited for Pandora.
Other:
Her strengths and weaknesses both look great, equally balanced and I love how you listed cold as a strength and weaknesses, reviewing the pros and cons.
I am glad to see you tied her personality in with her strengths and her weaknesses, nicely done. Currently you have 113 words, please add on to meet the word count for Personality of 150. Perhaps mention her hopes and dreams, does she have any fear, what is she proud or ashamed about, and such matters.
The use of her powers looks appropriate, except for the part where you mention being able to make objects, in order to actually make any objects various elements would need to be combined, such as heat and extreme cold. So apart from that just remember she will not receive her powers until she turns 2 years of age and then will need some time to practice before becoming adept at using them.
Alright, so once you have made the suggested changes please let me know by replying to this thread and I will review the bio again to see if you are good to go. Once you have been approved I would love to have a thread with her and Banshee, I have an open one in the Lumera Valley board entitled Brazen Saunters if you are interested. And once again welcome to Wonderwhy!
--Som
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Pandora
Hellion Mafia
Specialist (Mafia Heir)[M:0][A:3] [SG:0]
Posts: 37
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Pandora
Apr 1, 2012 20:08:56 GMT -5
Post by Pandora on Apr 1, 2012 20:08:56 GMT -5
I fixed it, I hope this will work.
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Post by Somatra on Apr 2, 2012 6:11:46 GMT -5
Accepted and welcome to Wonderwhy! Please remember our 200 words ic post minimum and have fun out there. --Som
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