Remember the Name [Tiatsu/open]

[Kelev Brightwick (Bezdomny)]

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[atrb=background,http://i437.photobucket.com/albums/qq94/NuckyGirl/bezdomny1-1.png] Although the orange Sennyo was not always a king of common sense or even logic, he wasn’t an idiot. He could take care of himself despite the fact that he lived in a mental fantasy world. Everything he did was somehow at least a hair’s breath away from reason. And reason brought him to get his eye cleaned up. A makeshift patch made of a leaf, adhered by a salve. He had lived many years, snatches of facts and important data were tucked away in that insane mind of his. And, when it really mattered between life and death, he would ultimately choose correctly, despite how often he was wrong before coming to his answer. Apollo was as hushed as his adoptive father was. The little hybrid followed the tall wolf with his brown wings pinned closely to his sides. His tail was straight behind him. The whole procession seemed quite solemn until Bezdomny suddenly plopped down. He just laid himself down, in the sort startled way. His legs went stiff as he folded himself backward. The mud collected on the toes of his paws and he gave a silly grin. “Hafalong and Wisherchance, it makes we wonder west, why have we gathered here at the river?” He raised a paw and gestured around him. Apollo followed the sweep of his leg, watching everything that was surrounding them. It was a swamp. Somehow, Bezdomny knew every place where the water was shallow, every place where the land was raised and even a few natural bridges made by the skeletons of trees. Then, Bezdomny stood up again, leading them onward. “My paws have followed this trail, I’ve walked it worn. Can’t you see? When I searched for one who never was.” Bezdomny looked back at the two brothers following him. They were his sons now. And he felt proud as a fatherlike figure to the both of them. Their steps were matched exactly; the rhythm of their lives made them siblings, yet their history differed so much. And then, his memory put an overlay on the both of them. Apollo walked under his brother’s ghostly image. Bezdomny recognized himself in the whisper of his form over Tiatsu’s black and white form. Side by side, they walked now, he and his brother. His steps were bold; his mind was full of wander and wonder as well. But his brother… he seemed more in tune with the responsibility, more stoic, more… sane. Bezdomny seemed alone, always lost with that expression, yet his sharp memory and intelligence made his mental state seem like nothing more than an odd quirk, explained with a flat, “He’s just a bit eccentric, isn’t he?” He was watching himself more than his brother, his memory played out in pristine sharpness. The voice of his mother called out and his small form jumped at the sound of it. “Kelev.” Suddenly, he was within the body of his young self, snapping his head forward at the sound of his mother’s voice. He remembered the smell of something sickly sweet, but the jarring shift in perspectives made Bezdomny ground himself in his version of reality. He faced front. Bezdomny repeated the name aloud, but realized he had been walking on autopilot, his paws finding their way to his Swamp den. “Kelev.” He stopped, it tasted familiar. That sweetness in the memory of the called name. He looked behind him. Apollo and Tiatsu were there, simply, as themselves. “Kelev…” He shook his head, and revealed a large and soft den. “Rest now, wolves, it’s safe here.” The swamp seemed to breathe around them, the plop of frogs, the roar of alligators, and the sweet scent of flowers. Apollo tilted his head, “Whas Keluf?” Bezdomny stood frozen for a second and looked from Tiatsu and then to his Wisherchance. He faintly whispered, “My… name.” And turned his shocked brown eyes to the both of them, completely aware of the gravity of that moment.

[Hafalong Rambling]

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[atrb=background, i1018.photobucket.com/albums/af301/InFatesHands/tiatsutablebackground.png] Tiatsu strode beside his brother, his paws coated in mud and sludge. Somewhere in his head he could hear the echos of those who'd been unfortunate enough to fall into the depths of the swamp. The sounds were becoming less alarming, seeing as he'd dealt with them for quite a bit now. As it was, he barely even percieved those he was hearing now. Ahead of him was his new "father," Bezdomny. It seemed that the Sennyo knew this place, and, to confirm his suspicions, the one-eyed wolf plopped down in the mud and told them he'd been here before, searching for "the one who never was," something Tiatsu had always meant to ask about. However, he found another question more pressing. "Why do you keep calling me 'Hafalong?'" he moaned, "Is it so hard to call me by my real name?" He didn't receive a reply, however, as Bezdomny had stood and continued walking. Tiatsu asked again, but it seemed the Sennyo was preoccupied with other things. Sighing, he followed, wondering what could have so suddenly taken Bez's mind under siege. "Kelev..." The word came from Bezdomny, standing outside a den he'd revealed from all the muck and misfortune of the swamp. The inside looked warm and comfortable, and Tiatsu didn't mind the idea of a nap... or just sleeping for a few days... Looking at Bezdomny with mild concern, Tiatsu was about to ask what a Kelev was, but Apollo beat him to it. Looking into the inviting den, Tiatsu wondered if it would be a long answer. However, quite the contrary, it was two words. "My... name." Tiatsu tilted his head to the side. "I thought your name was Bezdomny," he said, "Since when have you been Kelev?" his tone was a little sharp, a little suspicious, but getting better. Much better than when he'd first spoken with the Sennyo, "Sudden name change?"

[Alto]

Alto was extremely hurt by Kelev’s reaction to him. He had expected him to open his eyes wide and yell ‘Alto is that you?’ and then a joyous montage of brotherly love would commence. But no such thing happened. Kelev had been cold, and left Alto standing with nothing.

Alto had of course been mad. Livid even. He had rebelled by no longer shadowing Kelev’s every move. But then he realized that this penalized him, and Kelev was not affected at all. So he went back to his stalkerish ways.

So he was there when his brother seemingly had some sort of revelation. Hidden in the shadows, his heart stopped. ‘Kelev’ He heard his brother say. His heart jumped once and then took of at rocket speed. What did this mean? Did Kelev remember something? More importantly, did he finally remember Alto?

Kelev repeated his true name, confirming in Alto’s mind that it hadn’t been a fluke or a trick or something. His forgetful brother was remembering. He was elated. But he was quick to swallow what ever emotion was bubbling inside him. He didn’t want to get his hopes up again, just to have Kelev rip them apart with one word. ‘Moth.’ That’s what his own brother had called him. He had heard Kelev comically come up with name after funny name for the random wolves he met in his years of wondering, but never would he have guesses that he would do it to his own brother. It was worse then if Kelev had ripped his heart out with his jaws.

The mud smelled rancid to the Sennyo, the smell of decaying biomass. It was slick, and made squelching noises as it greedily ate at his paws. It was not helping with the whole stalking thing. Like his brother Alto knew these lands well. Kelev has been all threw these parts, so of course Alto had too.

“My name well leaves those lips, if it’s the last thing I do!” Alto thought to himself. “He said his true name, he can say mine.” He was then he stepped form the inky shadows he had hid always hid behind and stood in front of the den, and his brothers. He ignored the pups, seeing as they were little threat to him, and he was more concerned with making his brother remember him.

“Well my dear brother Kelev, it seems you are not as forgetful as you appear to be.” He said lightly, and smiled at him brightly.

[Kelev Brightwick (Bezdomny)]

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[atrb=background,http://i437.photobucket.com/albums/qq94/NuckyGirl/bezdomny1-1.png] What began that day for Bezdomny was that a single strand of the past he tried so desperately to forget had come unone. Its frayed end had been grasped by his consciousness and he began to obsess over it in his thoughts, but his mind had rejected his search. This rejection made Bezdomny wonder what he had forgotten, if anything. What he had let go of in his past life. He wanted to know why, yet was afraid to know why. There had to be a reason that he forgot; something… painful. Hafalong asked a question that was valid. But by the fact that he had stumbled upon his memory, Kelev felt that… perhaps the reason why he never remembered anybody’s name was because he didn’t want to remember his name and the life he left behind. For over a hundred years, he had protected himself from what happened in his earlier years by setting up these defensive mental blocks. He told himself that his name was Bezdomny, Homeless… He told himself that the reason why he was lonely was because he wanted to find his friend. These past three years had corroded his mental blocks. Only, Bezdomny didn’t realize it at the time. The moment he forsook his Ecket was the moment he stopped believing in his fantasy and started to ask that evil question: Why? Silent, Bezdomny didn’t answer Hafalong. Instead he looked to his Wisherchance. He had given all of them names that suited his fantasy so that he would stop asking why. So that he would never ask, then why am I Bezdomny? Because the answer would always be Kelev. Although these past three years have unraveled him, he quietly accepted that they provided the most social enrichment, the most existential substance. In other words, they were the best three years that he could fully remember. Still in a state of shock, Bezdomny could hardly formulate words that would make sense, but he was slowly getting back to his world. “Moth!” Bezdomny’s eye went wide. He painfully remembered that he had lost an eye and now there was this wolf who called him by his real name and then claimed to be his brother. But there was some similarity between the Sennyo that stood before him and the Sennyo brother of his memories. However, Bezdomny read something sinister in his words, something shadowed behind that bright smile. Perhaps he read too far into it. And so, reluctantly, Kelev, as he was now revealed as, said with the slight fever of disbelief in the tone of his words, “Or brother… as you tally said” It was more that he was following what the Sennyo said than he truly believed what he had just said. “But, you lie when you speak, for I am never forgetful.” Bezdomny lowered his ears, flicked his antennae back, and stared hard and one-eyed at his brother. Finally, he lowered his head in a small bow, “Do I want to know who I was?” The moment was small. Apollo watched his father with confused eyes, but didn’t say a word to the newcomer. Brother… brother… He read it on their lips, but didn’t see it in Bezdomny’s face. He was like an empty vessel as he stared one-eyed into Alto’s face. But Wisherchance watched it, and wasn’t convinced. Not yet. Bezdomny couldn’t have a brother. He looked to Tiatsu, trying his very best to enunciate. He was getting there. “Brother, wha’s going ahn?” But the look that Bezdomny gave him, that slight and subtle language between the father and son, it silenced Apollo and made him realize that now was not the moment for speaking. Finally, Bezdomny said, "For now, I can only verily say, I am Bezdomny. I was Kelev."

[Hafalong Rambling]

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[atrb=background, i1018.photobucket.com/albums/af301/InFatesHands/tiatsutablebackground.png] Tiatsu looked between the two Sennyo's. He didn't understand much of what was happening at the moment, but he was beginning to get it. Bez wasn't really Bez, but Kelev, who he said he wasn't, and this other guy was his brother, or so he said. He was beginning to feel a bit sore in the neck with all this back and forthing between the Sennyos. Stopping, he looked at his brother, who had spoken. "I dunno," he said, having begun to learn to understand Apollo and not catching on to Bez's look, "Some kinda weird sibling thing. Honestly, what's with all the long-lost brothers these days?" he rolled his eyes, "Next thing ya know, we'll find out we're triplets, eh, 'Po?" he nudged his brother, chuckling at his own joke. However, he soon caught on, and fell silent, looking at the other Sennyo to see how he responded to Bezdomny's declamation of his other name. Being among Sennyos... and his Sennyo raised brother... it confused him to no end. Sighing and sitting back, he decided the best way to find out was to do the two things he hated most: Waiting and listening.

[Alto]

Alto smirked. "How would you know whether you are forgetful or not? If you forgot something, then the information that was there, is no longer there, which would make you not know said information. You would not know you knew this information before, or else you would be remembering and thus not forgetting. So, in its truest form, brother, you are forgetful. Do you not remember my name, nor my kinship to you? You have forgotten, and don't remember forgetting, so in this sense yes you are forgetful." He said with a pompous attitude, certain that everybody present understood his confusing monologue, and would think him intelligent for it.

"But! You are improving, dear brother Kelev." Alto said eagerly, his eyes alight with excitement. "You have remember your name. You say you were once Kelev, but the wolf then, and the wolf now are the same wolf, regardless of name. I may call a duck, a duck, and you may call it a chicken, but it doesn't matter. The creature is still the same, even if our opinion of what it's name is different." Alto's voice was high, and almost pleading. He wanted...needed his brother to remember him. If Kelev didn't know Alto, then who did? Who did he have to live for? All his life he had followed around Kelev, and had never made a life for his own. If Kelev didn't know he existed, he might as well die. "You may be Bezdomny to you, but to me you will always be my brother Kelev."

[Kelev Brightwick (Bezdomny)]

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[atrb=background,http://i437.photobucket.com/albums/qq94/NuckyGirl/bezdomny1-1.png] Bezdomny pinned his ears back as if what Alto had said was aggressive, a threat. He stood tall, proud, but a bit afraid of what was going to happen next. His tail was a wisp behind him, moving with the drift of the air. Though his ears were pinned back, he was taking in every one of his brother’s words. Bezdomny felt guilt that he wanted to reject himself as Kelev. There was something about his past that disgusted him or frightened him so much that he daren’t investigate. But the turn of events made him, more and more, curious. Why did he refuse his old self? And, why did Alto insist that he accept it as his new identity? However, it was high time for a reply. Bezdomny was a bit annoyed with Alto’s talking, only a bit. It was a convoluted speech in need of edit, but it kept driving the same point over and over: Why don’t you remember my name? When an opening came, Bezdomny was quick to begin speaking. “Ack! Your circle-talk is mortifying, Mmm…” His initial inclination was to call him Moth, but he knew that that would only serve as a catalyst for just something bad. The name hadn’t faded from his memory yet, and Bezdomny spoke it. “Alto.” It tasted funny in his mouth. It was like rubbing his fur the wrong way because it just felt wrong. It didn’t hurt, but felt like it could, somehow. His antennae were flicked back in arcs over his neck, long and graceful in their appearance. Bezdomny was quite the handsome Sennyo, but his strange personality made finding mates impossible, and definitely not on his to-do list. But it was what he was remembering. The soft touch of a gentle nuzzle on his neck. Of a body leaning against his. The smell of a sweet soul. He could remember that. Bezdomny had what many wolves would kill to have: A strong memory. He could recall things perfectly such that they could play pictures in his mind. But he forced the earlier years of his life out of his head in order to live a life without grief. Without loneliness. Without having to revisit the bad times. He had so carefully erased his trail into the pack. He had left weeds to grow into it and everyone was tearing up what he so hard had crafted. He didn’t want to remember. He didn’t want to remember he forgot. But the memory of that female… was so sweet, so kind, so caring. He wanted more memories like that, but trusted his own mind’s choice to repress his memories and wanted so much to not budge. But here was his brother. And everything made his heart ache and his eyesocket ache as well. “Why must I remember, Moth? Why must I? Is it depended upon in order to reach that highest good? But what fracking single thing so small and what fracking single thing so huge is a memory! Let it be, brother. Let it be please. I’m not ready to live backwards.” Apollo, Bezdomny’s Wisherchance didn’t understand what was going on, but the way Bezdomny looked so tired and so frazzled made him wish that Alto hadn’t come. He was at a loss of what had happened and immediately placed himself against Alto, despite the fact that Bezdomny hadn’t. It was merely a case of seeing the things unfold without sound. However, instead of getting angry loudly with the tantrum of a young puppy, he merely held himself close to his brother because he needed something to ground his feelings.

[Alto]

Alto's heart lept with joy! He'd said it! He had said Alto! He shuddered with joy. His brother continued speaking, but Alto paid little attention. He chuckled. "Oh, so you have been playing me a fool!" he gave another twinkling laugh. "Finally, you admit that I am your brother. That's all I wanted. Is that so much? I'm not asking you to live backwards, No, I'm just asking you to remember." He smiled to himself, and fluttered his wings. "And you do! Fine, call me Moth all you want. I'm just happy that you called me Alto at least once." That was an understatement. He was so happy he felt like he could fly.

"Brother! Tell me! I have followed you for forever. You have always called wolves by some clever little name you made up. Is that just a cover? Do you really remember names?"

[Kelev Brightwick (Bezdomny)]

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[atrb=background,http://i437.photobucket.com/albums/qq94/NuckyGirl/bezdomny1-1.png] Bezdomny was pleasantly surprised when Alto seemed to switch from antagonizing him to being happy. It was perplexing, but at least it seemed like Moth wasn’t going to try to hurt him or try to force him into something he didn’t want to do. However, as Bezdomny merrily smiled, Alto forced that same issue upon him: a demand to remember. The orange and blue Sennyo lowered his ears and backed away slowly with a growl. His wisp of a tail floated quietly behind him, but it was apparent that Bezdomny was trying to lower his tail in either shame or fear; he didn’t know which one himself. “Stop it. Just stop it all. You torture me! Sith’n see, you torture me!” And Bezdomny let out a quiet wail. His memories were marching into his head and he felt his heart stricken with panic. There was something about the flood of them that he feared and Bezdomny didn’t want to deal with it right now. He was not an idiot. And he knew himself to have a sharp memory, intensely sharp. It was a fact that he knew definitely about himself. However, there was a reason why he had forgotten the first ten years of his long life. There was a reason why he chose to live one hundred and forty years in pursuit of a wolf who didn’t exist—and who Bezdomny didn’t even know the species of or even appearance. These present events had unfolded something that Bezdomny kept tightly hid in his heart and now, the memories lie so close to the surface that he could feel the pain they caused him despite the fact that he could not yet see him. And Alto’s joy only made everything more painful. Bezdomny cried out louder and then dropped to the ground with such force, it seemed like he was tackled into the ground. He landed hard on his shoulder. He picked himself up and did it again, then again, until he was so tired and sore that he could no longer engage in his self destructive behavior. Suddenly, Bezdomny stopped and turned to Apollo and Tiatsu. He looked at them, and felt guilt. Apollo stared intensely, confused, but more than anything, angry. Bezdomny wagged his head and Apollo begrudgingly calmed himself, though all he saw was red. The hybrid wanted to tear Alto to pieces for making Bezdomny hurt himself. And for just disrupting the family dynamic that the three had. Sennyo and two hybrids. What was the point for trying to mentally hurt his father? Apollo turned his head away in disgust. The one-eyed Sennyo stay on the ground and was blessedly freed from the harsh thoughts of memories following memories until he got to the real reason he chose to forget the first portion of his life. All he could think of was Apollo and Tiatsu and the pain in his shoulder. Thinking only of these things, Bezdomny said, again, “Let it be, Moth; let it be.”